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Fart rhymes

Beans, Beans

(from Atlanta, GA, early 1930s)
Beans, beans, the musical fruit:
The more you eat, the more you toot! [or poot]
The more you toot, the better you feel,
So let's have beans for every meal!
I ate my beans and they were loaded,
Went to bed and they exploded!

(Collected in Syracuse, NY, early 1960s)
Beans, beans, are good for your heart!
The more you eat, the more you fart!
The more you fart, the better you feel,
So let's have beans for every meal!

Beans, beans, good for ya heart
The more ya eat the more ya fart
The more ya fart the more ya eat
The more ya sit on the toilet seat!

Beans, beans, the musical fruit,
The more you eat, the more you toot,
The more you toot, the better you feel,
So lift up your leg and let one squeal!


Peaches, peaches, I smell peaches,
Yonder goes a boy with a hole in his breeches! 

 Going Down the Highway

Going down the highway,
Going eighty-four,
Johnny cut a gasser
And it blew me out the door!
The engine, it exploded,
The chassis fell apart,
All because of Johnny's
Supersonic fart!

Going down the highway
Highway number 4,
Johnny let a fart
And blew me out the door;
The wheels started shaking,
The engine fell apart,
All because of Johnny's
Supersonic fart!

Drivin' down the highway,
Doin' sixty-four,
Johnny let a big one,
Blew me out the door!
Earth couldn't take it,
Space fell apart,
All because of Johnny's
Supersonic fart!

Riding down the highway,
Route 44,
Johnny made a big one
And blew us out the door!
The engine couldn't take it,
The caboose fell apart,
All because of Johnny's
Supersonic fart!

 A Little Gush of Wind

A little gush of wind
Straight from the heart;
It tickled down my backbone
And it's also called a fart.

A fart can be useful;
It gives the body ease,
It warms the bed in winter
And suffocates the fleas.

Skinny and Fatty

Skinny and Fatty lying in bed,
Skinny lets a fart, Fatty's dead,
Skinny calls the doctor, doctor says,
One more fart, we'll all be dead 

Gene, Gene, Made a Machine

Gene, Gene made a machine.
Joe, Joe made it go.
Art, Art let a fart
And blew the whole machine apart.
    (alternate last line) And blew the whole damn thing apart.
    (alternate last line) And blew it all apart.

Wherever You May Be

Wherever you may be
Let your wind pass free. 

There Once Was a Man from Rangoon

There once was a man from Rangoon
Whose farts could be heard on the moon;
When you'd least expect 'em
They'd burst from his rectum
With the force of a raging typhoon!!

A Farting Horse

A farting horse will never tire,
A farting man's the man to hire.

The Fart is a Wondrous Thing

The fart it is a wondrous thing that's made inside your belly,
It comes out of your bottom and is often very smelly.
Now, everybody does them, from beggars through to queens
And you can do some beauties when you've been eating beans!

So don't worry about those rumblings,
Be proud of all your trumps!
But remember, if you strain too hard
Your farts come out as lumps!

Here I Sit...

Here I sit, broken-hearted,
Paid a dime but only farted.
Yesterday I took a chance,
Saved a dime but shat my pants.

Here I sit, broken-hearted,
Tried to shit but only farted. 

Here I sit all broken hearted,
Tried to shit but only farted!
Here I sit in a trance,
Tried to fart, but shit my pants!

Here I sit all broken hearted;
Paid a nickle to shit and only farted.
If that nickle broke your heart,
I hope you shit every time you fart.

Here I sit, broken hearted,
Tried to shit but only farted;
Then one day I took a chance,
Tried to fart but shit my pants

When I Get Up

When I get up to wipe my ass,
I like to pass a little gas;
It clears my hole
And dries the bowl
And shows I got a lotta class.

The Farter From Sparta

There was a young fellow from Sparta.
A really magnificent farter.
On the strength of one bean
He'd fart "God Save the Queen,"
And Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata.

He could vary, with proper persuasion,
His fart to suit any occasion.
He could fart like a flute,
Like a lark, like a lute,
This highly fartistic Caucasian.

This sparkling young farter from Sparta,
His fart for no money would barter.
He could roar from his rear
Any scene from Shakespeare,
Or Gilbert and Sullivan's Mikado.

Nobody could play the classics finer,
As he showed me one day in the diner.
I had a bagel with lox
While he played from his buttocks:
Chopin's Etude #12 in C-minor.

He'd fart a gavotte for a starter,
And fizzle a fine serenata.
He could play on his anus
The Coriolanus:
Oof, boom,er-tum,tootle, yum tah-dah!

He was great in the Christmas Cantata,
He could double-stop fart the Toccata,
He'd boom from his ass
Bach's B-Minor Mass,
And in counterpoint, La Traviata.

Spurred on by a very high wager
With an envious German named Bager,
He'd proceeded to fart
The complete oboe part
Of a Haydn Octet in B-major.

His reportoire ranged from classics to jazz,
He achieved new effects with bubbles of gas.
With a good dose of salts
He could whistle a waltz
Or swing it in razzamatazz.

His basso profundo with timbre so rare
He rendered quite often, with power to spare.
But his great work of art,
His fortissimo fart,
He saved for the Marche Militaire.

One day he was dared to perform
The William Tell Overture Storm,
But naught could dishearten
Our spirited Spartan,
For his fart was in wonderful form.

It went off in capital style,
And he farted it through with a smile,
Then, feeling quite jolly,
He tried the finale,
Blowing double-stopped farts all the while.

The selection was tough, I admit,
But it did not dismay him one bit,
Then, with his ass thrown aloft
He suddenly coughed...
And collapsed in a shower of shit.

His bunghole was blown back to Sparta,
Where they buried the rest of our farter,
With a gravestone of turds
Inscribed with the words:
"To the Fine Art of Farting, A Martyr."

Fart, Fart

Fart, fart!
It comes out like a dart!
I wish my farts
Could come out like a singing lark...

Excuse Me for My Ignorance

Excuse me for my ignorance,
It wasn't very smart,
But if it came out the other end
It would've been a fart!

A Fart is a Chemical Substance

A fart is a chemical substance,
It comes from a place called bum;
It penetrates through the trousers,
And lands with a musical hum.
To fart, to fart, 'tis no disgrace;
It warms the blankets on cold winter nights,
And suffocates all the fleas.

A Belch is But a Gentle Wind

A belch is but a gentle wind
That cometh from the heart,
But when it takes a downward turn
It then becomes a fart.

The Vapors

Why is Fart
a word we can't say?
Despite the fact we Fart
countless times each day.
"Expel gas"; "have flatus"
The terms O.K. to use
But to avoid the word Fart
doesn't serve to diffuse
The smell and the noise
when one slips out
Whether silent but deadly
or odorless and loud.
Is it all in the word
or is it always pestiferous?
Is flatus benign
while a Fart is odoriferous?
A Fart is indeed gas
better out than in
Noxious and noisy
but certainly no sin.
It's socially frowned upon
to rectally groan
So it's best to enjoy Farting
while sitting alone.
But if one sneaks out
during a meeting or parting
Simply play dumb and say,
"Who the heck's Farting?"
If there are two
so it's obviously you
Say, "Don't be embarassed,
I do that too."
To talk about Farting
or flatus or gas
The words are synonymous
as long as not passed.
If you Fart quite a lot
you need not despair
It means you're quite wealthy:
a self-made million-air!

Here Comes the Bride

Here comes the bride all dressed in brown,
It used to be white but she crapped on her gown.

Her comes the bride; she looks pretty smart,
She stopped in the aisle and let out a fart.

There runs the groom because he heard the boom,
He's heading towards the door,
He never smelt that brand before!

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