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Boba su smegenais tinka į žmonas, o visos kitos tik seksui


Cool acronyms in action


In order to assure the highest levels of quality work and productivity from employees, it will be our policy to keep all employees well trained through our program of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (S.H.I.T.). We are trying to give employees more S.H.I.T. than anyone else.

If you feel that you do not receive your share of S.H.I.T. on the job, please see your manager. You will be immediately placed at the top of the S.H.I.T. list, and our managers are especially skilled at seeing that you get all the S.H.I.T. you can handle.

Employees who don't take their S.H.I.T. will be placed in DEPARTMENTAL EMPLOYEE EVALUATION PROGRAMS (D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T.). Those who fail to take D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T. seriously will have to go to EMPLOYEE ATTITUDE TRAINING (E.A.T. S.H.I.T.). Since our managers took S.H.I.T. before they were promoted, they don't have to do S.H.I.T. anymore, and are all full of S.H.I.T. already.

If you are full of S.H.I.T., you may be interested in a job, training others. We can add you name to our BASIC UNDERSTANDING LECTURE LIST (B.U.L.L. S.H.I.T.). Those who are full of B.U.L.L. S.H.I.T. will get the S.H.I.T. jobs, and can apply for promotion to DIRECTOR OF EXTRA EMPLOYEE PROGRAMMING (D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T.).

If you have further questions, please direct them to our HEAD OF TRAINING, SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (H.O.T. S.H.I.T.).

Thank you,
(B.I.G. S.H.I.T.)

This memo is to announce the development of a new software system which will be Year 2000 compliant. known as:

"Millennia Year Application Software System" (MYASS).

Next Monday there will be a meeting in which I will show MYASS to everyone. We will hold demonstrations throughout the month so that all employees will have an opportunity to get a good look at MYASS.
We have not addressed networking aspects yet, so currently only one person at a time can use MYASS. This restriction will be removed after MYASS expands.
Some employees have begun using the program already. This morning I walked into a subordinate's office and was not surprised to find that he had his nose buried in MYASS. Some of the less technical people may be somewhat afraid of MYASS.
Last week my secretary said to me, "I'm a little nervous, I never put anything in MYASS before." I helped her through the first time and afterward she admitted that it was relatively painless and she was actually looking
forward to doing it again, and was even ready to kiss MYASS.
There have been concerns over the virus that was found in MYASS upon initial installation, but the virus has been eliminated and we were able to save MYASS. In the future, however, protection will be required prior to entering MYASS.
This database will encompass all information associated with the business. As you begin using the program, feel free to put anything you want in MYASS. As MYASS grows larger, we envision a time when it will be commonplace for a supervisor to hand work to an employee and say, "here, stick this in MYASS."

Car names

AUDI – Another Ugly Deutsche Invention; 
Accelerates Under Demonic Influence; 
Always Unsafe Designs Implemented
BMW – Brutal Money Waster; 
Beautiful Mechanical Wonder; 
Big Money Works; 
Bought My Wife
BUICK – Big Ugly Import Car Killer; 
Big Ugly Indestructible Car Killer
CHEVROLET – Cracked Head, Every Valve Rattles, Oil Leaks Every Time; 
Can Hear Every Valve Rap On Long Extended Trips; 
Cheap, Hardly Efficient, Virtually Runs On Luck Every Time
CITROEN – Crap Interior Terrible Road-holding Owned Entirely by Nutters
DODGE – Darn Old Dirty Gas Eater;
Drips Oil, Drops Grease Everywhere
FIAT – Failure of Italian Automotive Technology;
Fix It All the Time;
Fix It Again, Tony!
FORD – Fast Only Rolling Downhill;
First On Recall Day;
First On Rust and Deterioration;
Fix Or Repair Daily;
Found On Road, Dead;
Fault Of Research & Development;
Atbulai -> Driver Returns On Foot
GM – General Maintenance
HONDA – Had One, Never Did Again;
Happy Owners Never Drive Anything else
HYUNDAI – Hope You Understand Nothing`s Driveable And Inexpensive
JAGUAR – Jews And Germans Usually Argue Retail
LOTUS – Lots Of Trouble, Usually Serious
MAZDA – Most Always Zipping Dangerously Along
NISSAN – Nasty Import Sucks Savings Away to Nippon
OLDSMOBILE – Old Ladies Driving Slowly Make Others Behind Infuriatingly Late Everyday;
Overpriced, Leisurely Driven Sedan Made Of Buck`s Irregular Leftover Equipment
PORSCHE – Proof Of Rich Spoiled Children Having Everything
RENAULT – Retarded Engine No Acceleration Ugly Lump of Trash
SAAB – Swedish Automobiles Always Broken
Send Another Automobile Back
TOYOTA – Too Often Yankees Overprice This Auto
VOLVO – Very Odd Looking Vehicular Object
VW – Virtually Worthless

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